Introducing Table for Six!

Make friends with Conversationally Themed, Second-Degree Dinner Parties

Jun 20, 2024

Making friends as an adult is hard

Loneliness sucks, and it’s apparently as detrimental to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But why don’t we just make friends?

In his book The Power of Strangers, Joe Keohane writes:

"It's easier and more enjoyable to talk to strangers than we think. Participants in studies predicted their interactions with strangers would go badly, but were delighted to find they did not. When they struck up conversations, they were happier and felt a stronger sense of belonging. So why don't people talk to one another on the subway? Epley and Schroeder argue it's not that everyone prefers silence, but they assume no one else wants to talk and believe it will go poorly if they try. This is known as pluralistic ignorance—everyone having the wrong idea about everyone else.”

I believe that with a little nudge, we can overcome this pluralistic ignorance and make some new friends. Table for Six is that nudge.

What is Table for Six?

Table for Six is a conversationally themed, potluck-style, second-degree dinner party series designed to combat loneliness by fostering new friendships. We use a second-degree dinner format to bring friends of friends together. Our Conversation Menus guide fun and meaningful discussions, with lighter questions serving as starters and desserts and a more serious themed question as the main course. The potluck style reduces the burden on co-hosts and offers everyone a chance to showcase their cooking skills (or grab something from the store).

Origin Story

The idea started with a happenstance dinner that included me, my fiancée, two girls she had just met at women’s climb night, one of their boyfriends, my fiancée’s coworker, and my coworker’s partner. We were apprehensive about how the dinner would go because our guests had never met or barely knew each other. Still, the dinner over Chipotle catering was a blast. The conversation flowed effortlessly and bounced from reminiscences of weird eastern Washington PE activities to debates over which local coffee shop made the best espresso. It was the start of incredible friendships that only deepened over time.

Some post-dinner hangouts and adventures with friends from the first dinner.

Then, earlier this year, I organized two randomly assigned, conversationally themed dinner parties to help my law school schoolmates meet students outside their usual social circles. Students volunteered to host at their homes and were paired with five randomly assigned peers. Despite initial apprehension, these dinners were successful. They proved that a table guided by Conversation Menus can foster lasting friendships with people you barely know.

How does it work?

Every season (four times a year), I’ll release a new Conversation Menu with a new theme and new questions. You then print the menus (cardstock is a nice touch if you can swing it) and use them to host your Table for Six dinner party.

Who’s at the Table?

I’ll let Nat Eliason explain:

A Second-Degree Dinner brings together 6 people who mostly don’t know each other.
There are two “hosts.” Both hosts invite someone who they enjoy spending time with and that they think is interesting.
Then, both of their invitees are expected to invite someone that they think is interesting and send them the invitation as well.
This way, the two hosts and the two initial invitees only know two other people at the dinner. They get to meet three new people.
The second-degree invitations will know only one person and get to meet four.
Best of all, you’re only meeting pre-vetted people. No weirdos, not some rando who’s trying to sell you on their social media consulting, only cool people.
Once the dinner starts, everyone goes around and says:
Who they are
Where they’re from
What they’re working on
Something they’re excited about. It could be a new book, app, relationship, anything that has them jazzed up.

Not sure who to invite? Think work friends, old roommates, that girl from your trivia group who’s seen every movie ever made, that guy from your college study group with the funny mnemonic devices—anyone is fair game.

Where’s the table?

Table for Six dinners can be held anywhere six people can gather for a meal. A home creates an intimate atmosphere, but don’t worry if you don’t have a table that fits six—couches, parks, or restaurants work just as well.